Reckless love ... (?)

I know I should be working but no... I've been struck again by some unexpected unpleasant emotion that derails my momentum for the night. I don't know why I've been cracking such bad jokes all day. It's not "bad" in the sense that it's offensive but rather something about an unresolved past (yes. that again) that up to now I still couldn't let go. I realize again and again that I still haven't learned to forgive and most of all to forget.

I still cling on to the past that can never be recovered and changed. Time is the ultimate thing that you can never get back. And I'm ashamed to admit that I wasted that time making an idiot of myself. Writing journals and novels help vent out my anxiety but then I realize that it only pours out unlimited rage that can spiral out of control. Is there anyway to stop this? Yes but I have no idea what.

I heard this song from Daughtry, "Over you". The melody of the lyrics and music is excellent. I just found myself playing it over and over again. I thought the tasteful combination of sounds made it so mesmerizing but it turns out it was the message of the song that moved me. But I think it was only half true for my situation because there's always a big difference between my case and your typical "Moving-on" scenario.

A typical scenario goes like this: 2 people meet, they make a mistake of committing oneself to each other and finally they break up. Now one of them works hard towards forgetting the other and looking at the world at a different light. You can be sure one of them learned at least something from the experience of loving and being loved back. My case is somewhat different.

I meet someone and before I know it, she's already cold, isolated and reacting violently. What's wrong anyway? I don't even get a change to know her well and yet there she is already driving me away like some plague. Seems like it's a mortal sin to be attracted to people (Admit it. You felt that way!) I guess this is why I keep committing the same mistakes. I couldn't learn anything valuable from reckless loving. But isn't love really reckless to begin with? We give our entire selves with no desire for anything in return? All I know is that I expect too much, dream too much and aspire too much. It all ends up blaming myself for everything. It all ends up not forgiving myself. I think it's myself that I need to get over with.

Prioritizing

We just had our first surprise quiz for physical chemistry for the semester and as usual less than half of the class passed. Probably only 4 out of 25. It's a clear sign that I must set my brain back to school-mode. I have to admit it's difficult to do just that this time of the year since I just came back from sem break and the fact that it's Christmas Season already. I just have this tendency to take things too easy and lightly.

I know I have to go back and hit the books but I still have to write a novel (Yes. I wrote something during the break) which is a chapter away from completion. So close...

I also have this extreme desire to make that online store and sell some of my old junk on ebay. This time of the year is perfect since a lot of people will be shopping online to buy Christmas gifts. Too bad I'll be missing out on it. Talk about opportunity costs...

Well, first things first. I must not let my Gemini instincts of starting one thing without finishing the other get the best of me. So it's academics, then the novel and finally profit. The most important task comes first before the most complicated.

First days

First days of school. Break is over and it's back to work. I don't mind going back to school at all. The schedule's been fixed in my favor (and it should be!) . But I guess the most frustrating part of the first days of school is the hunt for books and handouts. I haven't bartered this much and this desperately before in my entire student career. A lot of the books I need have been borrowed and I have also been renting books to the lower class men. I just hope I remember all of the things I have borrowed and lent.

Aside from bartering, I've been (and I guess a lot of students too) breaking the copyright rules (what am I saying?!) by photocopying the handouts for our classes. So many readings, so few xerox machines to exploit. Not to mention so little time. The ORP (Office of Research and Publications) has recently banned the teachers from duplicating reading materials. If readings are needed, then the we, the students, have to photocopy the master copies ourselves. Those Pilates! They're white-washing themselves again so the blame for copyright infringement will be on our heads! That means double work for all of us. I guess this explains why a lot of they're graduates turn out to be assholes. Hey, don't blame us for the illegal mass duplication of the handouts and books.

Anyways, this is like fighting city hall. Whining does no good. Just blindly comply to the "Big Brother"

Yes! All this for a dumb class schedule

I only post stuff here for two reasons. The first one being if I want to share something interesting that has happened. Another if I simply want to rant away my angsts and anger. Since today was an uneventful day, you can guess what this post will be all about.

Last semester, the registrar approved my enlistment with conflicting classes. I can easily let that mistake go since it was partly my fault for not rechecking my schedule. I was able to fix it immediately with minor setbacks on my part. I learned from that experience. But did they? Noooooo. Of course not. I sent them a complaint email last semester about the incident and they didn't listen! Believe it or not the registrar's office fucked up big time again!

A few hours after everyone has finished their enlistment, they changed the class schedule again at the last minute! Now I have a chemistry class in conflict with my philosophy class. No way in hell I'm giving up my philo class. There are no more alternatives available. It's either they change the schedule back to the way it was or I won't take the chem class this semester.

Students who fall victims to the incompetence of our schools services have all the right to be angry at them. A lot of law-abiding students try to be perfect. Is this what they get in exchange? A system that makes their lives more complicated than it already is? School authorities hunt down those who slightly deviate from the norm and unfortunately treat them like common criminals complete with alienation, public humiliation, monetary fines and punishment. So why can't we treat those who screwed up the same way? They show that all mistakes no matter how small should be disciplined. Then maybe it's about time that the employees too should be disciplined.

Most if not all people will say, "It's just a minor mistake and should be let go." or "You're just exaggerating again." or "Hmpf. Another emo post" or "All this for a dumb schedule?"

Well let me tell you something. It's not the first time somebody snapped because of a screwed up school system. Remember the Virgina Tech Shooting? Or the famous Columbine High School Massacre? Those were just examples of cases where the people were simply ignored and put aside. And when they respond with a hail of bullets, then the world begins to stop and ask itself, "Where did we go wrong?" I'd like to slap the world in the face and say, "Wake up you moron. It's right there." The problem was already in front of their faces and yet they persisted to ignore its growing magnitude. Maybe a lot of people are really dumb enough not to listen to others and the only way to make them get to their senses is through violence. It's the only thing they'll listen to.

Maybe the murderous teenagers weren't criminals after all. Maybe they were just victims of a corrupt and faulty system not only of the school but of society as well. The souls of the people they killed were retribution for society's crimes.

COLUMBINE... NEVER FORGET

It's all over! :D

Yay! The final requirements for school have been submitted. The laboratory reports are all done and the semester is officially over for me! Now it's time for me to think about my "post-semester activities".

First up is of course cleaning up the mess I made during the semester. Time to keep the books, organize and forget about the past tests and throw the scraps of scratch paper. I'll be literally cleaning up the past.

Next on the list is getting addicted to PlayStation all over again. I just bought these new games for PS2 and I'm excited to try them all out. I'm just afraid that I might not have enough time to finish my other activities.

Finally , I need to decide what to do with my site and livejournal. Should I keep it or just get a multiply account and move there? Hmm... tough decision. I hope I'll be able to make a sound one soon.

Just a post

It's strange how the journal feels so dead when there are no posts regardless whether I really have an audience out there reading them. So I decided to grab this opportunity and post even just one entry on this 30-minute free time that I have.

So far I have been a slave of Philosophy thanks to the many required readings that we have. I guess it's self-explanatory why I don't post so much compared to last time. And it's even ironic since the book I'm devoting my time to is entitled, "Slavery and Freedom" by Nikolai Berdyaev. And it shows just how much I'm learning from it - NOTHING. Because if I really learned something about liberating myself, I should have stopped taking my subjects seriously a long time ago.
The workload feels like it's dying down. Probably because my philo finals is fast approaching (It's already next week!). The seminar I had for MACA is finally over (I'll probably schedule another one next semester on a better time slot). The only thing left for Phychem laboratory is the student project. After all of these, the only problem left is how to tackle the remaining tests for the Phychem Lecture.

Sometime I daydream about what I'm going to do for the upcoming semestral break aside from worrying about my report card. My friends say that I should get a multiply account so I can join them. The good thing I see about multiply is that it's great for sharing and posting multimedia files like picture images and music. The problem is, I don't have any picture images and music to share. I'm thinking of creating a personal website containing my journal, my cyber bazaar and everything else that I can think of. I can either link my livejournal to it or avail of the blog services of a host. Bravenet has a lot of useful web tools and the best part is that they're free. I want to try them all out.

Well my 30 minutes is up. Time to get back to work.

What can I say? They did it again!

Well they did it again! The government declared a suspension of classes and guess what? It's pretty much dry outside (not that I'm complaining). At least they were smart enough to suspend it yesterday because it was really pouring that morning. Now I'm able to catch up with a lot of things: my website, my CS project and more importantly sleep. This suspension of classes means that my chem lab sessions are canceled as well (for the second time!) And I think it won't be long before they eat up our beloved semestral and Christmas breaks and make us pay for the lost sessions. I don't k now if that's a good thing or not. I gotta make this entry short because it's almost time for our group meeting in CS. I have to prepare my camera and take some relevant (and probably some irrelevant) photos of our school.

I just remembered that we also have another project for our theology class which I think is due by the first week of September. I wonder if any of my group mates are aware?

Working on a Caturday?

Wow. I didn't realize I haven't been posting for more than a week. I missed Caturday! This is thanks to the hell weeks I've been experiencing (and I guess I'm not the only one). But I must admit that the work load this semester may be as demanding but not as many as the previous ones.

Let's see... classes are suspended tomorrow. This could mean that my Philosophy oral exam will be piled up together with the coming hell week. I have to make good use of this unexpected break and devise a strategy on how to tackle the next hell week.

I can start working on editing my website. I just realized that the current design is not as "customer-friendly" as it should be.

Even if I don't want to, I have to start preparing for my midterm lab test on Physical Chemistry. I still can't believe they scheduled it on a Caturday!

A Caturday Post - somethin' special

Not As They Seem

Meeting you was
Not the best thing that happened to me
Losing trust and hating you was

Give up
I believe there isn’t any reason for me to
Keep myself open to you
I would just
Hold on to my pride and leave
Because it would be unreal to
Forgive you for hurting me
I am always ready to
See you suffer
I couldn’t stand to
Let go of my anger
Because you showed me hatred, I must
Hate you back
But I can’t
Ignore how disappointing you turned out to be
It was easy not to
Look immediately at your true self
It’s a shame that I couldn’t
Make you the person I wanted you to be
It was wrong to
Abhor me for I loved you for your indescribable beauty

Your loyalty and truthfulness are
Not important

Your gorgeous face and angelic looks are

Hold It!

Who told you to read the entry from top to bottom?
As the title says, things are not as they seem.
Read each line again and this time, start from the bottom and read upwards.

One Liners

One of the requirements for our Laboratory reports is citing the sources of errors of our experiment. Instead of doing so, I wrote there, "Why would I admit my mistakes?"

During the first day of classes, my teacher handed out index cards and told us to write the name we wanted to be called so I wrote there, "The emperor of the world" :P

My teacher gave me a Philosophy book, an orange hi-lighter and told me to hi-light the statements I couldn't understand. The next day, he looked at the book and said, "I don't remember giving you a book with orange pages!"

Feelings of paranoia

Well I've decided to take a break from busting my brains from reading the philosophies of Immanuel Kant. Somehow, I'm only able to grasp the surface or the shell of what he wants to say. I hate it the way he writes. The way he uses a lot of semicolons and other quotation marks to make an entire paragraph out of a single sentence. If his point was simplified, maybe I'll understand and appreciate it better. Then again, some things are amazing because of their complexities.

I've finished my excel homework for CS10.5. It took me only about half an hour to finish it. I plan on doing my lab report next and after that, it seems like I don't have anymore pending assignments. What I hate about myself is that the less work I need to finish, the more uneasy I feel because it seems like a moment of free time is too good to be true. I can feel it in my gut that sooner or later, an unforgiving amount of work is waiting for me right around the corner. And this gut feeling often overwhelms me and brings me to a state of paranoia.

Gotta be alert.

Feeling more uneasy by the minute...

*HELP*

Random rants - If it's not one thing, its another

Maybe I'll just post some random rants for today. I had one hell of a week and there's barely enough breathing space for me. Too much time has been dedicated to work and less to more important things like sleeping. Just when I though I was about to have a weekend off, I suddenly receive tons of assignments on the last minute. There goes my plan for the weekend. Its a good thing Amphersand is only a virtual store or else weeds and 5-foot tall grass would have been growing there by now. I guess these inconveniences all part of the gamble I made...

Two of my block mates didn't attend classes today because they used his time to travel to their Immersion destination. One of them texted me this afternoon and it sounds (I hope that it is!) like their doing OK on their first day. I mean the weather there surely must have been better compared to what happened in Manila this afternoon. A brief freak rain storm attacked the city for about 15 to 20 minutes. Winds blew with unbelievable strength. I was caught in the middle of traffic and it was difficult moving around because visibility was extremely low. If I'm not careful, I might hit another car or the street lamp post. Anyways back to the Immersion issue.

I don't know if it's just me or it's because it's Friday (hey its Caturday tomorrow!) but during our Analytical Chemistry class, which is my last class for the day, it seemed the size of the class was reduced by half. Knowing that two of my friends would be away today and for the entire weekend really made me feel that a really really big part of my day was missing. There was this noticeable and disturbing sense of incompleteness. It's kind of like forcing your car to move on a missing tire.

Well more work ahead for me tomorrow. Gotta catch some z's and recharge myself for another restless week-end.

Go Figure...

Me and a couple of my friends were one day thinking about reaching out to the marginalized people in society. Among the groups that top our list are the pessimists and procrastinators. They are the ones that need a lot of help so that they can be productive members of society. We then thought of holding seminars to give talks and inspire them to consider and change their ways. Of course preparing these conferences have their corresponding cost.

The cost will come from renting the venue. Not to mention the complementary refreshments and miscellaneous supplies. Mailing letters, pamphlets and advertisements will also contribute to it.

And what about the idea of having a conference itself? Some might think it's not a good idea. We could be only wasting our time. What if nobody shows up? What will we do if the food and supplies go to waste?

The idea will probably be ridiculed anyway and we might not properly monitor the project. We'll just end up putting all of our work for tomorrow....

Because of these frustrating possibilities, we decided to abandon the idea.

Go Figure...

Thirst for Knowledge and Wisdom

They always say that mankind is in constant search for knowledge. He has this unquenchable thirst for answers to questions that don't seem to stop popping out of his mind. Let's take a look at the mediums, devices and people that human beings approach to seek wisdom throughout history...

Prehistoric Era:

Tribesmen consulted heavenly objects like the sun, moon and stars. They looked for patterns and signs in nature and interpreted them as messages from the gods.

Ancient Scandinavia, Egypt and Greece:

During the times of these ancient civilizations, they have groups of people that specialize in reading these signs in nature, which they call magicians, oracles and prophets. They are believed to be the mediator between heaven and the mortal world. In some civilizations, it is even believed that they have the ability to see the future.

China and India:

This maybe true even today in India, China and other Buddhist countries. These nations highly value and prioritize philosophy in their culture. As a result master monks and teachers, housed in institutes of learning, are the very sources of wisdom.

Dark Ages (Europe):

This was the era dominated by religious fanaticism in Europe. The Christian Church was the institution that held most of the techniques and know-hows that the people needed to survive. From the basic knowledge of crop rotation, to the books of prayers and spiritual exercises. The people were dependent on these information that is why the common attitude back then was submission to authority.

Renaissance:

It was a time of enlightenment. The rapid spread of information encouraged the people to engage in the sciences and arts. Poets wrote books, musicians composed songs and inventors created gadgets that revolutionized the way they lived. You could say that in this time period, mankind was able to answer his own question by himself and through his own efforts.

17th - 20th Century (especially 1939 - 1945)

Since mankind learned how to grab hold of and shape his surroundings according to his will, they sought for a leader to make them fabricate the entire world according to their will. A leader capable and wise enough to answer how they can turn their dreams into reality. However, most of the leaders that they chose went overboard and instead poisoned their minds with the wrong information. Nations waged war with other nations for the sake of conquest. Instead of achieving their dreams, the people ended up as mere pawns for this global fabrication that never came true anyway. They only became victims of war and violence. None of their questions were answered and ironically, it even raised more of it.

Present Day (21st Century)

This is the ultimate source of answers for the people of the 21st century:

Back Online!

Whew! It feels great to be back online after going through a week without an internet connection due to a busted phone line. Having no access felt like I was thrown back to the dark ages. Of course there was the option of accessing the net through public computers but there is always the possibility of bringing home a virus whenever I use my flask disk. That happened twice to me already and I can’t take anymore chances. Besides, I live in Manila. The odds of catching a virus (both biological and computer) through public computers are high :D

Conspiracy Theories

One of the things I like to read and watch about are conspiracy theories. These things can range from harmless urban legends to full blown theories that can grip the world in fear and leave thousands of people puzzled. I read about them for fun and it keeps my mind open and my imagination wild. Recently, one of the most popular conspiracy theory circling the net is the 9/11 attack. It is a sensitive issue most of us would like to forget but I just couldn't resist taking a second look at the issue and lend an ear to the new questions raised by some "independent investigators". Looking back, some of their findings and inquiries may have some validity and shed new light at the issue. Here are some of the most prominent and probably disturbing of them all:

Pentagon Attack

1. If a Boeing 757 really hit the side of the Pentagon, then why was the cavity created so small that it didn't correspond with the dimensions of the 757?

2. Where was the plane wreckage? There were no luggages, engine or fuselage remains at the site.

3. The Pentagon is probably one of the most heavily-guarded place in the world just like Fort Knox or Area 51. Then how come very few security camera footages, capturing the incident, were released to the public? And why was the date on the recording a day early?

Is it a bird?A plane? A MISSILE?

World Trade Center1. Why did some of the firefighters hear simultaneous explosions as if there were bombs planted on the tower for a controlled demolition?

2. Why did some eye-witnesses report seeing a plane with no windows? Some claim it was a cargo plane but it could be more than that...

3. What was the pole-like object attached onto the belly of the plane? Was it really a civilian airline or a military craft that crashed? Some say it resembled the bottom of an E-10 Joint Stars aircraft and the object was a radar device.

Flight 93

Probably this is the weirdest and most disturbing piece of news ever. It would be better if you watch it yourself. Check out these videos below.

But of course, these reports didn't go anywhere without an angry feedback from the audience. There were people who were not convinced by the conspiracy theories and gave a reply of their own. They said, "If the government was really behind these events, and they had the capability to kill thousands of innocent Americans in the process, then what would stop them from killing a few more people from revealing the truth to ensure that their deception of the public is a success?"

This is a situation that is very difficult to digest. The truth is still veiled and there are still plenty of questions left unanswered. One thing is certain though, that the human imagination can go extremely wild.

Need Moar?

If you want to know more about this topic, please visit the following links. You can also watch the trailer of "In Plane Sight", a documentary about the 9/11 attack consipracy.
The Best Page in the Universe
In Plane Sight Home Page

In Plane Sight Trailer

Random Talk Celebrates...

Celebrate this day
So drop everything and make way
Stop, smile and SayHappy CATurday!!!!

Random Talk celebrates Caturday with a 21 Kitler Salute


There should be 21 kitlers in the picture. can you find them all?

Just what is a Kitler?

"A Kitler is a cat that bears a resemblance to Adolf Hitler. First discovered by Jameth. They wish to kill all the Mews" - Encyclopedia Dramatica

Need Moar?
For Moar Kitlers, visit: catsthatlooklikehitler.com