What to do next... ?

I have to admit that graduating from college is one of the frightening things I'm going to encounter. What's worrying is not what's going to happen during graduation but what I'm about to face afterwards. I still consider myself very fortunate though because I have friends from high school and college who went ahead of me into the real world and I had the opportunity to ask advice from them. I'm not totally clueless as to what I would do though. I have a short list of possibilities although most of them are far-fetched...

1. Further studies: get another degree - to be honest, my supersenior year didn't end with a bang... more of a sad, silent fizz. I didn't get much of a chance to try out my business idea due to bad decisions (a lot on my part) and acting too slow on opportunities. I also didn't learn anything from my LS class since we were bombarded with lots of extra activities that didn't help in the learning process at all (estrat and company audit). Most of all, our prof decided to cancel our regular class sessions to make way for more field work and consultation periods - BIG MISTAKE! So I'm thinking of getting another degree in another school where they specialize in business... but that means taking off 2-3 years off my future.

2. Starting my own business.. immediately - Fat chance of this happening! But I'm not closed to this idea. Heck no! This is what I really want! Since getting a job is difficult at these times because of the economic recession, I might be forced to start a small (and I do mean small) business. But obviously, the risks are higher.

3. Find a job - this is self-explanatory. nuff said

4. Migrate abroad - Yes I have considered studying abroad and being a permanent resident. Of course it's nice to work instead but again, the recession is so bad that jobs are being lost instead. But being a student first and working my way to become a permanent resident is a more "systematic" and gradual way of earning a citizenship. I don't want to throw away my Filipino citizenship so I might go to a country that offers dual citizenship... But since I have such a strong attachment to home, thinking about migrating alone is already difficult enough. But I feel that I'm not doing much with my life. My friends are right. I don't have much "adventure" carved out in my personal history. Maybe it's time to take chances. Maybe it's time to step out of my comfort zone.

So many choices... so little time. Sometimes I'm tempted not to do a anything at all. But just like what the communications officer said in Valkyrie, "We can't be neutral anymore. We have to make a decision!"

Aphrodisiac Anonymous: Is Love Selfish?

Probably the most difficult question to answer is, "Why do you like her?" or "Why are you so attracted to him?" And at least once in our lifetime we encounter that question with no immediate and clear answer.

If you notice a lot, if not all, of our answers have to do with something that benefits us. We often say, "I like him because he's popular", "I like her because she's drop dead gorgeous." No matter how emotional or non-materialistic our answers might be, it always seem to point back to ourselves and our preferences. "I want to be with her because she makes me feel complete", "I don't want to see him getting hurt."

We can't deny that a lot of us have ideals and "templates" of the perfect person we want to be with. Humans often fail to realize that we fall into the trap of being fixated on that ideal. When a person does not fit our template, that unfortunate individual is immediately scrapped like garbage. People fail to see the true identity or "spirit" of a person. What I'm saying is summed up, in a shallow way, in the maxim, "Do not judge a book by its cover" Some like popular people thinking that the fame will rub off on them. Some like people with good looks simply because they don't want their eyes to burn. These examples of shallow, inauthentic love is easy to understand. But what about the not-so-shallow ones?

There are those relationships that were born out of authentic emotions and serious deliberations. But can we say that the reasons behind those commitments are ultimately selfish even if the two people are not aware of it? "I committed myself to her because my heart yearns for her." "I want to be with him because he makes me feel complete." Aren't these typical answers simply tell us that people only love to satisfy the emotional emptiness that they feel? Again, there is this element of going back to the self. Even the heroic phrase, "I will die for you because you are special to me," is nothing more than an acknowledgement of a personal preference, right?

If love means offering yourself to another, is there a way to do it that does not involve you benefiting from it (or at least going back to you)? Is it possible to love with no selfish reason? Is it possible to love with no reason at all?

Probably it's time to recognize the true spirit of another. The only love that I can think of with no selfish reason is to simply love an individual for who he/she really is.

Aphrodisiacs Anonymous: Introduction

It's the topic not everyone is willing to talk about openly. It's difficult to put it into words since it's the heart that rules the body and not the mind. Many have fallen in but few were able to get out. Yes, it's the ambivalent "L" word that is creating lives as well as destroying them.

Many, if not all, would rather talk about love vaguely and metapohorically rather than literally and up close. The reason being is that love is considered as something transcendental. It is even beyond emotions that simple words, rules and logic cannot fully comprehend this unique, yet strange, human characteristic. This is why love is expressed through poems and songs. If one tries to discover the true essence of love, he would probably not find any concrete conclusion or would go insane trying. After all, it's all about emotions, so why get the brain involved? Others would see love as a very personal affair. They would refuse to engage with the lives of others for the fear of being labeled as a meddler. This is why many would rather sit back and let it be - let love take over the mind and see what would happen next.

However, I refuse to be complacent to love because it is more than a feeling of emotional intoxication. I admit that love is transcendental but the problems that go along with it are not. There are more things that happen beyond that first kiss and beyond that engagement ring. Love doesn't always translate to a happy ending. If you believe that, you might as well live in a fairytale. Some hapless souls only see its addictive part making them vulnerable and unprepared to face its harsh reality. I want to ask questions about the various problems of love and relationships. I want to ask what brings two people together and what separates them. I am not trying to prove a point nor am I trying to reach a compromise. I'm not even assuming I'm correct with the tings I say here. I've had my share of bad relationships but I could still be wrong. But as I enumerate and criticize them, I hope to draw out some useful insights that may help people make the proper choices in dealing with these relationship problems. Relying solely on emotions can lead to your own demise. You need to ask and think once in a while.

*I don't intend Aphrodisiacs Anonymous to be a static post, so constructive replies from readers that will make the topic more meaningful are greatly appreciated*