Aphrodisiac Anonymous: Is Love Selfish?

Probably the most difficult question to answer is, "Why do you like her?" or "Why are you so attracted to him?" And at least once in our lifetime we encounter that question with no immediate and clear answer.

If you notice a lot, if not all, of our answers have to do with something that benefits us. We often say, "I like him because he's popular", "I like her because she's drop dead gorgeous." No matter how emotional or non-materialistic our answers might be, it always seem to point back to ourselves and our preferences. "I want to be with her because she makes me feel complete", "I don't want to see him getting hurt."

We can't deny that a lot of us have ideals and "templates" of the perfect person we want to be with. Humans often fail to realize that we fall into the trap of being fixated on that ideal. When a person does not fit our template, that unfortunate individual is immediately scrapped like garbage. People fail to see the true identity or "spirit" of a person. What I'm saying is summed up, in a shallow way, in the maxim, "Do not judge a book by its cover" Some like popular people thinking that the fame will rub off on them. Some like people with good looks simply because they don't want their eyes to burn. These examples of shallow, inauthentic love is easy to understand. But what about the not-so-shallow ones?

There are those relationships that were born out of authentic emotions and serious deliberations. But can we say that the reasons behind those commitments are ultimately selfish even if the two people are not aware of it? "I committed myself to her because my heart yearns for her." "I want to be with him because he makes me feel complete." Aren't these typical answers simply tell us that people only love to satisfy the emotional emptiness that they feel? Again, there is this element of going back to the self. Even the heroic phrase, "I will die for you because you are special to me," is nothing more than an acknowledgement of a personal preference, right?

If love means offering yourself to another, is there a way to do it that does not involve you benefiting from it (or at least going back to you)? Is it possible to love with no selfish reason? Is it possible to love with no reason at all?

Probably it's time to recognize the true spirit of another. The only love that I can think of with no selfish reason is to simply love an individual for who he/she really is.